


Watching Over You

by MonPetitTresor



Series: Discord Prompts [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Always, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dark Thoughts, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Sam, Lucifer is free, M/M, Protective Gabriel, Protective Lucifer, Sam Has Self-Esteem Issues, Sam and Dean are apart, Self-Worth Issues, basically Sam's brain, insecure!Sam, trigger warnings for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 02:33:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13940751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonPetitTresor/pseuds/MonPetitTresor
Summary: After Dean and Sam go their separate ways, Sam makes a stop to finally just let himself sit down and breathe. A chance for him to let his guard down without anyone there to see him.Only, he doesn't stay alone for long. And his guests? His guests are the last two beings he'd expect to see.





	Watching Over You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TalkingToMyselfAgain (UmbraeCalamitas)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmbraeCalamitas/gifts).



> This started as an entirely different prompt over on Discord and it evolved into THIS. I hope you're proud of yourself, Talky :P

Everyone makes mistakes. Sam Winchester had always known that. Hell, he’d made plenty enough in his time on this earth. Everyone makes mistakes – but not every mistake deserves to be forgiven.

Lately, it seemed like all Sam was capable of doing was making mistakes. One right after the other, over and over, until it all culminated in the biggest mistake of all. The one that he knew he’d never, _ever_ be forgiven for. One that he _shouldn’t_ be forgiven for. Sam knew he didn’t deserve it. While most people’s mistakes hurt only themselves, maybe a few others, _Sam’s_ mistakes had the potential to destroy the world.

_Dean was right to tell me to go ahead and go. I should’ve left a long time ago. Maybe then I wouldn’t have hurt them all. Maybe the world wouldn’t be ending, maybe Dean never would’ve died, maybe Bobby wouldn’t be paralyzed. Maybe Jess would still be alive._

Those thoughts circled round and round in Sam’s head until he felt like he was going to be sick from them.

There was no one around to see as Sam curled his feet up to rest on the tabletop of the picnic bench he was perched on. He’d been gone from Dean for almost a full day now, having hitchhiked at least a state and a half away from his brother, and he’d finally managed to hotwire a car of his own to use. The first thing he’d done had been to drive until he found a rest stop, pull up to the most secluded corner of it, and then perch himself on top of this picnic bench.

Sam’s eyes burned from the effort of keeping his tears in. Now that he was here, alone, he didn’t have to worry about it. It was just starting to turn to twilight out here, so there was no one around to see the shining trails that his tears left on his cheeks. He made not a sound as he sat there and let himself cry for the first time since the Devil had been set free.

This whole thing was his fault. It was because of him that Lucifer was free, and Sam needed to find some way to fix it. Some way to either kill off the devil himself or lock him back up. That was the only way they were going to make it out of this alive. Or, that the _world_ might make it out of this alive.

Sam wasn’t concerned about his own chances. If it took a sacrifice to make sure that the rest of the world lived? Well, what was one life compared to all those? Especially the life of the one whose fault this whole thing was to begin with?

“You know, I expected to find you sulking into your cheerios somewhere,” a far too familiar voice said suddenly, breaking into Sam’s peace and quiet. “But I can honestly say I didn’t quite expect _this_.”

A small part of Sam wanted to laugh at the sound of that voice. Because of course _he_ was here. It didn’t matter that they hadn’t seen one another in months, not since the Mystery Spot. _Of course_ he was here now, while Sam was at his lowest.

Sam didn’t even bother turning to look at the person who was now sitting on the bench beside him. Why bother? He knew exactly who it was. He just wasn’t entirely sure _why_ he was here.

Once upon a time, he might not have questioned it. He and the Trickster hadn’t ever been _friends_ , exactly. But a few weeks after they first met him, just a week after Sam realized that there was no way the Trickster had _died_ , he’d showed up at the bar Sam was at and had spent the evening poking fun at him after Dean left to take a girl back to the motel room. He’d laughed at Sam’s anger, ignored his growls, and had generally just _hung out_ with him.

After that, it wasn’t strange to have the Trickster – Loki, as he’d introduced himself, _“No one wants to be called ‘trickster’ all the time, Sambino. Use a fella’s name once in a while why doncha?”_ – show up when Dean wasn’t around and poke fun at Sam. He never answered any serious questions, like why he was there or what he wanted. He just liked to come in, talk, poke a little fun at Sam and Dean, and then move on before Dean came back.

Letting out a shaky breath, Sam stared at the trees in the distance. “Now’s not the best time, Loki.”

Loki snorted, somehow managing to make that sound carry a wealth of scorn and mockery to it. “Not exactly the best time for anyone, kiddo. Then again, I’m sure _you_ know about it, seeing as how you’re kind of at the center of it all.”

Pain arced through Sam, sharp and hot and bright. His hands trembled, and he curled them into fists to stop them. To try and hide it, Sam drew his feet up onto the table, making it easier for him to fold his arms over his knees. “I’m aware of that, thanks.”

“So, you kind of break the world – something I tried to stop you from, by the way – and you decide to, what? Sit in a rest stop moping about your problems?”

The scorn and disbelief in that question were as sharp as any knife. One thing about Loki – he always knew what words to use to cut the deepest. Sam closed his eyes against the wave of pain that crested through him. “Look, I get it.” There was a croak to Sam’s voice, one that showed just how shallow his control was in that moment. He just didn’t have the strength to hold himself together right now. He just _didn’t_. “This whole thing, it’s my fault. Trust me, Loki, I know that. But I just… I’m tired, all right. I’m _tired_. And I was pretty sure I was by myself, so I figured it wouldn’t hurt anyone if I just took five minutes to _be_ tired.” Sam lowered his head and pressed his forehead against his arms. Hard. “I know I don’t have the right, I just… just five minutes. That’s all I’m asking for. Just five freaking minutes.”

The air around them seemed to still. There wasn’t even a breeze; no rustling of leaves, no wind through the trees, nothing to disturb the silence that fell over them, except for Sam’s own shaky breathing.

“Sam.” Loki’s weight leaned in a little until their arms were brushing up against one another. He sounded so sad when he said Sam’s name. So pained.

Sam jerked away from that touch. He didn’t want it right now. He didn’t _deserve_ it. Curling into himself, Sam forced himself to keep his gaze straight ahead, to not look back towards the being beside him. His voice shook only a little as he asked, “Why are you here, Loki?”

There was a long beat where Loki didn’t answer. It was almost enough to have Sam breaking his resolve and turning to look at him. Just when he was about to give in, Loki finally answered him. His voice was surprisingly hesitant. “Call it… a favor. To my brother.”

“Thor?” Sam’s brow furrowed in confusion. “What would Thor want with me?” They’d never even met before! What on earth would Thor want with him? Unable to help himself, Sam finally broke, and he turned his head just enough to look over at Loki.

The trickster was seated cross-legged at Sam’s side. He was in his usual army green jacket, plus blue jeans and sneakers, and to anyone who didn’t know any better, he would’ve looked remarkably human. Out of all the things that Sam had met, Loki seemed to be the best at blending in with humans. There was no real way to tell just by looking at him that he was anything _but_ human. Not unless you looked closely at his eyes. There…there, Sam could see the hint of something more. Of power.

Right at the moment, Loki didn’t look powerful. He looked _uncomfortable._ He shifted in a very human sort of gesture of nerves. That only put Sam even more on alert than before. Now that Sam was watching, he saw as Loki almost bit at his lip, as he stuffed his hands a little further down into his jacket pockets. It was enough to have Sam trying to brace for whatever was coming. Then Loki spoke, and Sam knew there was no way he could’ve braced for _this._

“No, not Thor…. Lucifer.”

All at once Sam’s whole body froze. His brain felt like it actually stalled on that. Lucifer? _Lucifer_? But… what? “ _What_?” Lucifer was an angel. Why would Loki be calling him brother, be doing him any sort of favors, unless… oh, God. _Unless he’s not a trickster after all_. That thought struck Sam like lightning. It arrowed through him and left him stunned and aching. Because suddenly, some things made so much more sense to him. How powerful Loki was, why the stake hadn’t killed him, the interest he’d taken in Sam and trying to stop him before he went insane at Dean’s death. It wasn’t because Loki knew things he shouldn’t. It was because he was an _angel_.

An angel who was here, doing a favor for Lucifer.

In an instant, Sam was on his feet and backing away from the picnic table, wishing he’d thought to grab the demon knife or _something_ when he’d sat down. He had no weapons on him. Dean and Dad would’ve been ashamed of him at that moment for being so unprepared. Sam cursed himself even as he glared at the being in front of him, who hadn’t moved from the bench. Loki, _whoever he was_ , just sat there and watched Sam with sad amber eyes.

“Who are you?” Sam demanded hoarsely.

He didn’t look away from Sam’s eyes as he answered. “Gabriel. They call me Gabriel.”

Any hope Sam might’ve had of getting away from here was lost. He might’ve stood a chance against a lesser angel – but an archangel? Sam had no hope. Whatever Loki, _Gabriel_ , wanted with him, there was no way Sam could stop him. As of right now, they had no idea how to take out an archangel. Sam slowly lowered his hands and he felt his shoulders slump. “What’re you going to do with me?”

“Nothing,” Gabriel said immediately. He uncurled his legs, letting them drop down to the ground, and sat up straighter. There was an earnestness in his gaze that hadn’t been there before. “I’m not gonna do anything, kiddo.”

_Yeah, right_. Sam scoffed at him. “Sure. You’re just here to check on me an report my health back to him, right?”

His sarcasm didn’t bother Gabriel in the least. The trickster-archangel just kept watching him and shook his head. “No. I know you’ve got no reason to trust me right now, Samshine, an I get it, I do. But I’m not here to hurt you. I’m here because my brother wants to talk to you an he didn’t know any other way to get a hold of you, so he came to me. He knew we’d met before.”

“An how’d he know that?”

“He’ll explain all of it to you if you let him. I promise. He just wants to talk – that’s all. Just talk.” Pushing off the bench, Gabriel held his hands out and started to take a step forward. He froze when the gesture made Sam visibly flinch. Slowly, carefully, Gabriel lowered them back down. His expression became infinitely more pained. Why, Sam wasn’t sure. Why would Gabriel care if Sam flinched back from him? It wasn’t like they were _friends_. Even when he’d just been Loki, they hadn’t been anything that could be classified as friends, and they definitely weren’t after the Mystery Spot. Now that Sam knew he was an archangel… no, they’d never be friends, or anything else.

Gabriel winced. He took a small step forward and, at Sam’s next flinch, seemed to hesitate briefly before his expression turned determined. In the blink of an eye, he was right in front of Sam.

Firm hands came up and caught hold of Sam’s face. When Sam tried to pull away, one of those hands slid back to thread through his hair and hold the back of his head and yank him in close. “Samuel Winchester, you listen to me, and you listen good.” Gabriel’s voice was sharp and firm. It carried a weight of power to it that Sam couldn’t ignore. “I may have lied about what I am, but I’ve never lied to you about _who_ I am, and I’ve never lied to you about what I think before. So trust me when I tell you, I will let nothing happen to you with my brother. All he wants is the chance to talk to you, that’s it. Anything else is gonna be up to you, do you hear me?”

This whole thing felt surreal. Sam felt like he was asleep, or he’d stepped into some alternate universe. This couldn’t’ be real. Loki was really _Gabriel_ , and he was here trying to get Sam to go and talk to Lucifer, and he was promising to protect Sam as they did.

“Why?” It was the only word Sam could think of. _Why does he want to talk to me? Why are you helping him? Why would you promise to protect me? Why, why, why?_

Everything about Gabriel softened. He pulled Sam in even closer until their foreheads were pressing against one another. A voice inside of Sam yelled at him to try and break free, to get away. The rest of him… shamefully, the rest of him practically melted into the gentle and supportive touches. “What the hell did they do to you, kiddo?” Gabriel murmured. He was so close, his breath puffed against Sam’s lips.

Sam had no idea what Gabriel was talking about. No one had done anything to him. This… he’d done all this to himself.

“Sam.” Gabriel gave a low growl. His eyes closed and he pressed his forehead against Sam’s. “I swear to Dad… just talk to him, kiddo, please. Just talk to him. Everything’ll make a whole lot more sense if you just talk to him, please.”

What else could Sam do? It wasn’t like he could get away. He was trapped here at Gabriel’s mercy, and they both knew it. No matter what Sam had to say about it, Gabriel would be able to do whatever he wanted. Sam had no power to stop him – no way to get away. _So you’re just gonna give up?_ A voice in Sam’s head asked. It sounded a whole lot like Dean. _You’re up against another of those dickbags and, what, decide you’re just gonna give up cause he’s_ too powerful _? When has that ever stopped us? Man up, Sammy!_

The voice was right, Sam knew. It was. But Sam just didn’t have the strength to care. Why had he thought he’d ever be able to hide from what he’d done? Lucifer was free, and apparently, he’d decided he wanted Sam. Why bother running from that?

Sighing heavily, Sam slumped in Gabriel’s hold. “Fine.”

“Oh, _Sam_.”

That was all Gabriel said. Nothing more, just those soft words.

The air around them grew heavy all of a sudden, and the absent breeze picked up. It blew across Sam’s skin with a chill of winter frost that was strangely soothing and almost… familiar?

Sam felt Gabriel’s hand slip down to the back of his neck and give a soft squeeze before letting go. His other hand moved from Sam’s face, brushing down his arm until short fingers were curling with Sam’s longer ones.

With Gabriel’s hand in his, Sam opened his eyes, knowing exactly what he was going to find.

Lucifer’s vessel seemed both strange and yet somehow fitting. He was tall and handsome. Though he was dressed casually enough that he might turn a few heads, he wouldn’t make anyone stop and stare. His eyes… his eyes were sharp and fixed right on Sam, the blue in them pale and oddly captivating. He looked so serious as he watched Sam. Serious and… sad? “Hello, Sam.”

It should have been so fucking terrifying to find himself standing here with two archangels, one of which was the devil himself. Sam should’ve been more scared than ever before. He had been when he’d let Lucifer free. He’d been terrified, which had in turn changed to a kind of numbness that Sam had yet to be able to fully let go of. And yet… and yet, all Sam could do was stand there holding the hand of a being who, until ten minutes ago he had thought of as a trickster, facing off against Lucifer.

A small smile tugged at one corner of Lucifer’s mouth. Even his smile managed to look sad. “Thank you for agreeing to meet with me.”

“Did I have a choice?” Sam found himself asking before he could stop it.

The hand in his twitched a little. Lucifer’s face went carefully blank while any signs of a smile vanished. Gabriel must’ve been about to say something because Lucifer’s eyes moved over to him and he shook his head. “No. We deserved that, Gabriel. You know that.” His eyes came back to Sam’s, and he didn’t hesitate to catch Sam’s gaze and hold it. “You’ve had your choices taken away from you most of your life. I never meant to be the same way.”

Sam’s lip curled up just a little. “What would you know about my life?”

“I’ve watched you for a very long time, Sam.” Lucifer took a step forward. He was only a few feet in front of Sam, yet he didn’t seek to close it quickly. He just took one small step forward, eyes staying right on Sam’s. “Ever since you were three and you somehow used our connection to pull me up there to you. It took me a while to master it, but eventually, I could use it too and watch over you.”

“Because that’s not creepy at all.”

Gabriel gave a muffled laugh that ended up sounding like a snort. At the dry look Lucifer sent his way, the other archangel gave in and laughed. “What? You gotta admit, that’s creepy, bro.”

“Is there a purpose for you still being here?” Lucifer asked his brother, voice dry. “Or is it simply to annoy me?”

“That’s just a side benefit.” Grinning, Gabriel tugged Sam in a little closer, and his voice took on a serious edge underneath the playful banter. “I’m here to make sure Sam feels safe.”

Standing there listening to these two bicker back and forth this way had to rank in the top ten at least of the strangest things Sam had ever experienced.

Gabriel slanted him an amused look. “Just the top ten?”

It took a second for the realization to kick in and then Sam was scowling down at him. “Stay out of my head!” he snapped, at almost exactly the same time that Lucifer’s sharp voice cracked through the air like a whip. “Gabriel, do not invade his privacy that way!”

Eyebrows climbing up high, Gabriel looked back and forth between the two of them. He looked torn between being amused and surprised by their reactions. In the end, he seemed to settle on amused. His lips quirked up on one side, and that trickster smirk was firmly sliding into place. His eyes darkened a little as well, making him really look like the pagan he’d claimed to be, not the archangel he really was. “Hate to break it to both of you here, but you, Sammy boy, think _loud_. You’d think with powers like yours, you’d be able to tone that down a tad.”

Tilting his head, Lucifer narrowed his eyes a little and ran them over Sam in a look that was reminiscent of the way Dean would check him over sometimes when he was trying to make sure Sam wasn’t hurt. Why on earth was _Lucifer_ looking at him like that? Sam shook his head and tried to dismiss that thought. It was insane enough he didn’t really want to think about it. _This whole thing is crazy. I’m standing here talking to God’s Messenger and the Devil in a crappy public rest stop._

“I don’t know, it’s not too bad here,” Gabriel said, looking around him.

Sam shot him a glare that he knew his brother would’ve called a ‘bitch face.’ “Can we maybe stay out of my head and, I don’t know, get back to the part of this where I’ve apparently had a stalker my whole life?” He’d really like to get back to that part of things. How on earth had Lucifer managed to watch Sam his entire life and they not know about it? He’d been in the Cage for crying out loud! Shouldn’t he have been stuck in there? How had he managed to watch Sam?

“You,” Lucifer said softly. It took a second for Sam to realize that Lucifer was responding to Sam’s thoughts. Smiling gently, almost kindly, Lucifer took a step forward. “It was you, Sam. As I said, you somehow managed to use the connection that links archangel to their true vessel, and you opened it up wide between us. Something that shouldn’t have been possible. Either your own natural powers or the blood Azazel gave you, I don’t know. Whatever it was, you reached down to me, and I was able to reach back.”

So this was _his_ fault? That seemed right. Sam had screwed up everywhere else. Why not this, too?

This time both archangels growled at him at the same time. Gabriel was tugging on his hand while Lucifer closed that last bit of distance between them. In the blink of an eye, Sam found himself with Gabriel plastered against his side, under his arm, and Lucifer’s hands cupping his face, and this whole thing had gone from Sam’s top ten weird moments to his top five.

When Sam flinched at their sudden close proximity, Lucifer gave another growl. “I am not going to hurt you.” The words rang with power; sharp and clear. “I made a vow to you a long time ago that I would never hurt you, and never lie to you, Sam. I’m not going to start now. You, one tiny little human, you cared about me when no one else did, and you taught me how to care again. I will _never_ harm you.”

“What do you want from me?” Sam whispered.

The blue of Lucifer’s eyes seemed to pale even more. They were shining, glowing, and Sam found himself unable to look away. “I want you to _remember_.”

That light grew even brighter until it blocked out everything else. It was all Sam could see, all he could feel. It was around him and _inside_ him until there was nothing left. Just when Sam thought he’d be consumed by it, it drew away. In its place came something else. Memories, rushing in, flooding through his mind. Memories he hadn’t even know he’d had. And each and every one of them held _Lucifer_.

The two of them together in motel rooms, in school, hiding in the bathroom from bullies, locked up and waiting for John’s rage to fade away. Lucifer, a pale shadow that Sam couldn’t touch, just a hint of a shape to him, and yet with those beautiful wings that Sam might not have been able to physically touch but that he could _feel_. He remembered them curling around him as he lay in bed by himself, praying for his dad and his brother to get back home. He remembered furious hissing in his ear as the bullies on the playground shoved or taunted him.

From three to thirteen, Lucifer had been there almost all the time. A silent companion, sometimes taking form, sometimes just a presence in the back of Sam’s mind. But always there, always watching, the one being that Sam knew without a doubt cared about him no matter what.

Sam barely felt it as Gabriel let go of him and Lucifer’s arms closed around him. He was being cradled against Lucifer’s chest while the familiar sound of wings rustled before closing around them all. Pressed close against him, wrapped up in grace, Sam _remembered._ He remembered having the best friend he’d ever known, and losing it all. “Dad took me to a witch,” Sam said, face pressed against Lucifer’s jacket. One of his hands was right in front of his face, fisting the material there. That touch helped anchor him as the memories continued to flood in. “ _God_. He thought there was something wrong with me – he’d caught me talking to the air too many times. They… they blocked it off, and they made me forget. How could I forget?”

This – it changed _everything_. The Lucifer that Sam knew, the one he’d grown up knowing, was someone Sam knew he could trust. Someone who might not like humans, but he wouldn’t hurt them. Not if it would hurt Sam.

“I will never hurt you, Samuel.” The words were a gentle puff of cold air against Sam’s ear. Lucifer drew him in closer, holding him tight, and Sam melted into him. Into a being he knew would always look out for him, always care about him, no matter his mistakes.

A smaller hand touched the back of Sam’s head. It sat there for a moment before it started to stroke through his hair. “You got the both of us, kiddo. Neither one of us is going anywhere,” Gabriel said softly. “We’ll keep you safe.”

Held there between the two of them, with Lucifer’s wings around him and Gabriel’s hand resting on his head, Sam could believe it. For the first time in what felt like years, he finally felt like he might actually be safe.


End file.
